Monday, July 8, 2013

Fail-aise (Failday #1)

I dunno if we've covered this yet or not, but I wanted to make sure that anyone who happens across my blog knows the following things.  

  • I am not, nor will I ever be, some kind of homesteading-stay-at-home-bake-everything-from-scratch-domestic-guru of a goddess.  
  • I am really impatient, so sometimes I take shortcuts that ruin my current project.
  • I am a TERRIBLE procrastinator, so sometimes the beautiful fruits I pick go bad before I ever get around to canning them.  (Horrible, I know.)
  • Sometimes I'm super lazy, so I just don't do things that I know I'm capable of.

Other than all that, I'm a peach y'all. ;)  Haha, anywho, I come across so many blogs that are written by these women that just seem to be magical creatures.  They look at something, dream up some wildly creative idea to utilize that thing, and then touch it and it's instantly gold!  

Yeah.  Not one of those.  But I figure the best way to learn is to be honest about our mistakes.  So I was thinking that I'd share my failures, and maybe someone will learn from them.  Hopefully I'll also be able to glean something from these disasters, especially if you feel like giving me feedback or your very own hard earned pointers.  I thought we'd call these special blogs Faildays.  After spilling sweet tea down the front of me AND knocking my cup of coffee straight to the floor, I feel as though today has truly fit the bill.

Moving on, I am on this sweet homemade kick (muffins and cookies, recipes coming later). And succeeding at one or two things gives me this Achilles complex.  I am invincible!  I can do anything!  What's that?  Oh, about my heel?  My Achille's heel is reality.  Pretty sure most people can slap some chocolate chip cookies together, but it made me feel as though I could walk on water.  So I decided to make mayonnaise.  MAYONNAISE.  

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and smack myself in the face.  Doc Brown would not approve.  

I looked up some recipes/tutorials, and figured I'd just go for it.  Whisk an egg and throw in some oil, salt, whatever, no prob.  Oh my gosh.  This crap.  Was.  Disgusting.  

It reeks of garlic and failure.

I don't know what I did wrong here.  I'm thinking that maybe the quality of the oil I used wasn't very good.  I did part olive oil and part vegetable oil, and maybe that's the issue.  Maybe I didn't whisk it long enough.  Or did it too long.  Or maybe it's because I didn't sacrifice a virgin before I made it.  I don't flippin know.  

What is that??  It doesn't even look like mayo.  HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?

Hubs went to put some garlic powder in it and apparently didn't realized how quickly it pours because all of a sudden we had Garlic Fail-aise.  Yuck.  It made my whole fridge stink from it's little un-Godly container.  Whatever the issue was, I think I'll stick to the Duke's for now.  Anyone have any advice?  Solutions?  Recipes?  Help!!

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